accountability: morning edition

i have a relatively short list today:
- walk
- horse
- create
- nourish
- hydrate
- relax

the horse, i can tell you right now, is off the books: rainy, wet, icky.

i did, however, get my walk in this morning and it was luscious. LUSCIOUS, i tell you. we have a very nice, flat, 1.5 mile nature trail circuit and i was on it at 8. there were lots of stops to look at things and to navigate huge mini-lakes of water, but that was ok. it started raining about 3/4 of the way through, so i hustled back to the car and called it. maybe tomorrow i can get in 2 laps. =D



today i'm trying to keep things under 1200-1400 calories, do my 64 oz of water, write a bit, and read. i also have some work to do laser-engraving wise, so there's that.

i was telling mister that it feels exceptionally nice to not feel overwhelmed by deadlines and pressures and all of the emotional/professional bombardment that comes from being in the classroom (virtually/physically).

i feel...good. really, really /good/. and it's almost like i'm healing from a nameless malady. if i were to say what i really think it is, my logical self would be embarassed for me, but whatever -- i think it's trauma. trauma that only an introvert/sensitive/subversive empath can take on -- the kind that's hidden and dismissed by just about everyone in the world.

even me. i dismiss it.

but having had three weeks of not being exposed to it and purposefully removing my thinking from it has provided some clarity. not a lot, but some, and all the things that make me happy and DIFFERENT are slowly peeking from their hiding holes where they retreat for safety.

aaaaand that makes me want to call myself a pussy. YEP. I SAID IT.

...

i am my own bully.

and i'm good at it.

~~~~