liminal_space | Recent Entries

I don't know if the Outlook outage yesterday kept LJ down, but it makes sense. It's also a reminder that the tenuous connection we have to that specific platform is even more fragile than we think. Or want to think about. It seems back-ish today, so that's a good thing

So I'm going to get my shit together and cross post, so help me Jeebus.

--
I just finished doing the majority of kid's d-day shopping, getting the last few things off Amazon, which is NOT my favorite way to buy things, but my little country ass has limited access to some of the specialized things I wanted, so here we are. IN ADDITION, I had to order my wood ear mushrooms and piloncillo (unrefined sugar cane cones) -- the first to keep my junkie food-texture butt happy and the second to make champurrado for Thanksgiving.

The rest of the day will be spent in my "cleaning PJs" -- which is basically a fresh set of PJs worn with a bra. lol My goal today is to finish deep cleaning the kitchen, finishing the bathroom, and....that's it. I have a PLAN to get the deep clean done early and use the rest of the days until company comes to just yell at dog hair, dust, hay, and all the MESS that comes in from the outside to keep it at bay.

My beloved Mister is telling me to let him handle everything, but I just can't. He truly does so much for me and it's making me feel guilty as a mofo. How am I supposed to be a tradwife if he does this much for me????? ;)

One week from tomorrow we're having the Friendsgiving/kid's bday/kid's graduation (AA) party thing -- I THINK I have it all figured out, where a) I won't have to take a mortgage out to buy what we need to make food and b) I won't kill myself making a million things. So I'm responsible for:

Pozole
On demand quesadillas
Champurrado
Tres Leches Cake (maybe)

Everyone else is bringing apps and zerts and drinks.

We are having it at an actual "venue", so that's going to make things so much easier....I'll have some help putting shit together and clean-up, so YAY. For some reason, when we're at home and do stuff like this, I detest people in my kitchen helping. It for reals gives me the huhs.

*
It's been cold (for me) the last two days, but we're warming back up a bit this next week. Then we'll be down to chilly AF again. People around here are talking about it being unseasonably warm, and I'm like "how many layers can I wear today?"

As long as I can keep my fingers and toes warm, I will most likely survive the winter. *nod*

*
I got to spend the day yesterday at the studio and it was LOVELY. I listened to /Dungeon Crawler Carl/ while working on gnomies and it felt like I was refilling my happy tank. Next time we go, I'll have a fair number of gnomes for the bisque fire, a few more piggy banks for the same load, and MAYBE I can get a handful of horse ornaments I'm working on trying to get right ready to go.

My most favorite piece EVER EVER EVER came out of the kiln a few days ago and I picked it up yesterday. This is now a family heirloom and I will haint anyone of my blood that tries to get rid of it. Lookit!

OK, I hope that works.

It did!

Alright, I need to think about things before doing them. Maybe I'll make a LIST...since that always makes me feel things are right with the world.

xo

+ i have a dough of orange zest and cranberries going. new made-up recipe on my part, so who knows how it will go? i generally have decent luck with on-the-fly food things, but that's FOOD...baking is always a gamble, even when i have an actual recipe.

+ along side that, i made paneer and it's doing its drain thing before going in the fridge for an overnight bout of dehydration.

much to the child's chagrin.

i've made farmer's cheese before and the only difference i really see is that it takes more straining to get all the wet out. if anyone's made it before, tips and tricks are always appreciated.

+ yesterday i had my boobs squished (the INDIGNITY) and of course, there is a *spot* that they need to reimage. even though the nurse told me -- even before we started yesterday -- that call backs to get a better/diff image are frequent enough that if i got a call, not to worry, not to borrow trouble.

so guess what i'm going to do until the resquish happens? that's right, you geniuses...ima gonna worry and borrow trouble. IT IS WHAT I DO.

[seriously, not too worried about it, but if you can send out a bit of good energy for my boobs, i'd much appreciate it. lol]

on a GOOD note, i had lab work done yesterday along with the squishy nonsense and my thyroid level has stablized on my new dose. yay, team! i think that's why weight loss has picked up again, but i can't be 100% sure.

i mean, maybe it's the whole "get back to the basics" mentality i've been trying to hold on to for the last month, or maybe it's the FORCED activity i'm making myself do every day, or maybe it's a combination of everything -- but i'm now about 10 lbs from goal.

fuck yeah, jarome. *fist bump*

i'm close enough that i'm doing a reevaluation of the big picture to see if i want/need to go a little bit lower in weight OR if i want to try to hold steady on maintenance for awhile and work on some of the more physical things i want to achieve this year.

it's CRAZY that the brain shift toward maintenance vs. weight loss is happening -- the good kind of crazy, with twirling ribbons and fireworks. =D

~~

earlier today i knocked over the can of wood stain i was using and it made FAR less of a mess than it could have, so i'm chuffed about that.

not so chuff worthy? bitter cold for the next week.

>.<

can i have spring here already? i'm ready to garden, ride, play, fish, and BE OUTSIDE. in the sun. and the not cold.

*sigh*

fifty-seven days until spring. i can do this.

after a few false starts, my mindset is coming together to move on some of the challenges and experiments i've set for 2026.

/reading more/ is again at the top of my list, and while i may set a concrete goal to a year-long total, it will be small to make sure i'm not pushing quantity over quality. the first finished book of 2026 was /in the mouth of madness/ (sutter cane), which was a decent read with a few surprises along the way.

i'm currently reading /a gentleman in moscow/ (amor towles) and it's a MUCH slower read than i anticipated. i'm enjoying it tremendously — the language is lovely and makes me linger — but i keep waiting for more to happen. even if the external action is a bit slow, the inner world keeps me engaged. plus, there are gems like this:

"But when the Count opened the small wooden drawer of the grinder, the world and all it contained were transformed by that envy of the alchemists—the aroma of freshly ground coffee.
In that instant, darkness was separated from light, the waters from the lands, and the heavens from the earth. The trees bore fruit and the woods rustled with the movement of birds and beasts and all manner of creeping things."

~

today and tomorrow are pretty quiet days, so i'm hoping to get some cleaning done, bread made, and writing down on paper. i was thinking about tackling the kitchen for a full reorganization and declutter, but i'd more than today and tomorrow for that task, so i'll backburner it until....later.
stay shiny, people. xo

1a. What is the single most important change or commitment you could make to support your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing in the next twelve months and beyond? This year, the focus will be on using the physical (exercise/body awareness) to supplement and support all other things.

1b. What might that look and feel like on a day to day basis? For the winter? Lots of video workouts, yoga, and elliptical work. For warmer months? Pilates, horseback riding, kayaking, hiking. The more outside, the better.

1c. Which attitudes, habits, rituals and rhythms might help you? Keeping in touch with my support system on a daily basis; getting up earlier vs. later; document, document, document.

2. What would you like to learn more about this year? So many things, but I'm going to be doing more miniature builds, so want to really immerse myself in that.

3. What do you want more of this year, and what are you willing to trade, forgo or sacrifice to get it? More time w/my horse — and like always, I'm willing to sacrifice keeping the house clean for that. ;)

4. What do you want less of this year, and how will you ensure that happens? Be specific. Less debt! I'm sticking to my budget and savings envelopes and cash-only transactions to help.

5. Map out the constellation of important people in your life (individuals and groups), and identify how each of them supports you, and what part of yourself is supported. Is any kind of support missing from your constellation? If so, where might you find it in the year ahead? Immediate family is my guiding star; close friends orbit — they provide all I need.

6. What are you hopeful about? That there are enough level heads in the world to make change happen.

7. What is your intention for the year ahead? To hit the final weight loss goal and become as healthy as I can.

8. And finally, what would you like to nurture this year? My inner goddess; she's been taking a backseat lately.

we bought our house without seeing it in person, which is something you should NEVER ever ever do -- but the fact we the property had vast amounts of sand in the soil (vs. the more normal for around here clay) was enough to push me past the "this is a stupid idea" frame of mind into a "it will be JUST FINE" one.

there are things about this place i don't like. the upstairs bathroom is attached to the kitchen; something i SWORE i would never have. the bathtub/shower combo is like a horrible tardis that needs to be replaced -- not because it doesn't work, but because it is so ugly. SO UGLY.

i miss the 20 ft. ceilings we had in our CA house, the wide open floor plan, and the view of the valley from our H U G E windows in the living room. this house is roughly the same size sq ft wise, but half of the sq feet are up and half are down, making it feel less spacious.

what more than makes up for that is the studio we have attached to the garage which is huge and really versatile.

all of this to say that i want to take the christmas tree down today....even though our tradition has been to take it down on the 31st.

*
today we made a tray of tasty treats for the chickens (click for image -- still trying to figure out how to upload a photo without it being directly hosted).

apples, cottage cheese, and smooshed blueberries. not pictured is the pot of oatmeal and bananas i made for them. poor girls out there in the cold and mister husband not wanting to let them live in the house with us.

;)

*

i'm not sure what the rest of the day has in store, but i DO know i need to get some planning done for 2026. i LOVE the freshness of a new year. ;)

I'm thinking that moving over to DW might be the smart thing to do, even if it will be a learning curve because

it

doesn't

look

the

same.

And THIS is an indicator that I am, indeed, getting older because I don't want to spend the brain cells on figuring things out. *sigh* Guess I need to suck it up and just do it. :)

Since last I've posted here, things have been going very well. New horse Misty (we got her in Feb of 2025) is the most amazing beast on the planet. She takes excellent care of me and puts up with my nonsense even though she's a) a mare and b) a CHESTNUT mare. =D

As of today, I've lost a total of 140 lbs. That is a whole other human and it makes me sad to realize how overweight I was and how I just resisted and resisted and resisted the fixes that needed to be implemented to do what I've done for myself.

We're closing out the old year with some sadness: at some point in the next month, we're going to have to let our beloved Onslow Bickerstaff (dog) and Buddha (cat) go to cross that bridge. While I'm sure Onslow will go to a place of peace and light, I fear the cat will reincarnate as a world eater or something.

She really is full of the void.

So. If you're reading this....please let me know? I want to try to migrate here, but.....you know. It'd be nice to know some of my buddies from LJ are here.

xo

Solstice Poem by Margaret Atwood

This is the solstice, the still point

of the sun, its cusp and midnight,

the year’s threshold

and unlocking, where the past

lets go of and becomes the future;

the place of caught breath, the door

of a vanished house left ajar.

Mister wanted to get this for me. Awww!

no particular order. very fluid list: what you get today is not what you'd get tomorrow.

The Urban Cowboy

Grease

Sharknado

The Conjuring

The Mummy

Pitch Black

Serenity

Star Trek Into Darkness

Housebound

What We Do in the Shadows

A Christmas Story

Animal House

The Long, Long Trailer

Love Story (aka I'm Not Crying, You're Crying)

The Shining

Oceans 11 (1960 Version)

Breakfast at Tiffany's

The Godfather

Goodfellas

The Way We Were

Star Wars (just pick one and I probably would count it as a fave)

Best in Show

This is Spinal Tap

Gidget

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

+ i belong to a FB group with all of my weight loss friends + weight loss community and when i visit, i have a shortcut on my desktop so it goes straight to that group and there's nothing else for me to see.

two days ago i didn't visit the group that way and just went to my feed — where i saw, and commented on, a post about a proposed data center in duluth. of course the ignorance was rampant about the situation and i ended up engaging when i should have just shaken my head and moved on.

now? it's like the internet "caught me" and is bombarding me about all the data centers in the world that i should be pissy over and i started fretting.

just a general fret over stupidity and nonsense and UGH.

today i just shut it all down and decided that the only one i want to take up space in my mind is me.

me, me, and me.

i can still engage in the protest surrounding the data center in duluth, but i don't have to deep dive on social media to do so. i don't have to let that negativity in, so i won't. i shall shun the negative energy!

and no unshunning!

( Read more... )

+ not that i'm counting.

+ changes in plans have been made! this weekend we're going to go cross country skiing instead of bentleyville and moving bentleyville to december 27th (the last night it's open PLUS fireworks!). cities friends are coming up for both.

it's very nice to have these people in our lives.

+ today i sucked it up and went outside to do some chores. blankets have been fitted to the ponies (with our old girl in hers now), chickens have been loved on and their coop/prison yard have been tossed, and i dragged kid around on the sled for awhile.

i did fine, for the most part. except i OVERDRESSED on torso, dressed correctly on hands, and UNDERdressed on feet. =\ friend T is bringing a pair of wool socks for me to use for skiing this weekend and if they work, maybe that's the answer? know what's NOT the answer: a second pair of socks.

seriously, two pair of socks make my toes feel claustrophobic. it's the weirdest feeling!

+ doing the outsides was really good for me, and i KNOW i need to keep it up. nothing combats the winter blues like fresh air and sunshine. :) not that sunshine is in great supply right now, but that's ok.

i've been slacking on tracking food and drinking my water, so those two things are on the MUST DO each day. it's so easy to slip back into bad habits and i could feel it happening, so gotta put a stop to that nonsense.

( Read more... )

there is no normal.

when you sit, arms wrapped around yourself for comfort, feeling terrible because you feel so terrible, remembering that normality is a fucking fallacy can sometimes be the only thing that starts lining your insides up like they should be lined up.

since the last big snowfall, i have been experiencing a depth of the mean reds that i haven't had to deal with since before we moved here. part of it had to do with a bit of a long stretch without one of my mood stabilizers, part of it relates to the holidays (echoes of Emotionally Traumatizing Bad Things haunt me still), and the rest of it related to the sun disappearing, feeling like warm will never happen again, outside being STUPID right now, and a multitude of paper-cut severity THINGS that just dogpile as those effers are wont to do.

medication is pretty much back on track and....

....that's the only thing that has worked itself out.

a few weeks ago, i had this really horrible disconnect from myself where it felt like i was shutting down in protection, which made ZERO sense; my head was trying to reason with my sympathetic nervous system, but that bitch sets herself on a path and just runs with it.

i was trying to explain to my therapist why it was so BAD, but i could tell i either wasn't conveying it correctly OR she thinks i'm just some bored broad that is creating drama to entertain herself.

( Read more... )

Just like before, this list makes up the me that's now. Future me probably would have an entirely different list. ;)

Stay — Oingo Boingo

Darkness on the Edge of Town — Bruce Springsteen

Suedehead — Morrisey

Take Your Time — Tensnake

Black Magic — The Vindys w/Anya Van Rose

Snakecharmer — Ottmar Liebert w/Luna Negra

All That We Perceive — Thievery Corporation

Lil Boo Thang — Paul Russell

Why Don't We Just Dance — Josh Turner

Old Recliners — ROLE MODEL

2 Wicky — Hooverphonic

Suwannee — Pillbox Patti

Legends Never Die — Orville Peck w/Shania Twain

No Rest for the Wicked — Lykke Li

The Sea — Morcheeba

Valerie — Amy Winehouse

Shooting Stars — Billy Idol

I Want It That Way — Backstreet Boys

Pets — Porno for Pyros

Calling After Me — Wallows

Sit Next to Me — Foster the People

Spanish Bombs — The Clash

In the Waiting Line — Zero 7 w/Sophie Barker

This Must Be the Place — Talking Heads (the only song by them I actually like)

Life is Beautiful — Keb' Mo'

Twenty Five Favorite Books (no authors included bc i'm lazy that way)

Note: This list would be quite different if I compiled it an hour, two hours, a day from now; my "favorite books" is a vast collection of things I've read which have stuck with me one way or another.

The Night Circus

Of Human Bondage

Ham on Rye

Portnoy's Complaint

The Passage

Wuthering Heights

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

The Lost Story

The September House

Lessons in Chemistry

The Pillars of the Earth

Coffee Will Make You Black

Murderbot #1 (All Systems Red)

The Martian

Like Water for Chocolate

Neuromancer

The Song of Achilles

The Goldfinch

The Miniaturist

Esperanza's Box of Saints

In the Time of the Butterflies

The Color Purple

The Executioner's Song

Night Film

The Paris Wife

annonymous poll at the end of this entry!

( Read more... )

+ yesterday i made a panera copycat winter squash soup and it was delicious. not quite as good as panera's, but with less sugar and heavy cream, not surprising. ;)

since it was black friday, i also spent part of the day shopping. or having mister show me things i might be interested in. i didn't buy anything, but hinted heavily that a pair of skis, cute ski pants, boots, and poles would be a "good investment."

he ignored me and i get why: we need to rent stuff before we buy stuff, in case i do this one time and say EFF no.

i still may get these ski pants because they look like they would work for other things out in the snow. look at all those pockets for horse treats, hoof picks, eggs, chicken scratch, handwarmers, bubble gum, etc and so on.

+ over the course of the last 24 hours, we've sold seven dozen eggs! o.O there are only two small eggs left, and i might have those on toast for dinner. or i might make steamed eggs over sticky rice with veggies of some type. or i might just have soup.

at this point, i honestly don't want to cook anything complex or complicated for awhile, so we'll see.

( Read more... )

Misty says, "hey." Or hay. Whichever, have a wonderful day. :)

+ we had a blizzard warning yesterday and i was pretty impressed about how nonchalant i was during the whole snow dump. today, mister informed me we really didn't have a blizzard. :(

so that means i may not be calm when a real one shows up.

anyway, he has been doing the majority of the outside things, but i went out and tromped a bit and had to rescue my horse from being stuck in the pasture.

so she really wasn't stuck, but i DID make her go into her stall because she was covered in belly and whisker icicles. INSERT EYEROLL HERE.

please don't ask me when we'll blanket, because i have no idea. if i had MY way, anything below 35 degrees seems to be blanket weather....

but that's for sissy californian horses. tough northwood horses are like "oh, it's negative 3....hold my beer" and then go run around like maniacs having fun.

+ we WERE going to have a modified thanksgiving dinner with just the three of us: turkey breast, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and green bean casserole. i made a pan of cornbread for the stuffing and inadvertently left it out where dumbshit husky could get to it. so while i was out doing farm chores (e.g. saving horse from the elements), he took advantage and ate the whole damn thing.

( Read more... )

+ it's been raining on and off, so of course the horses had to roll and make themselves into mud pies. oh, what fun. :)

+ you know how there's /regular/ clean and then /company/ clean? yesterday i was sure i was company ready, but apparently i'm full of shit. all day has been cooking and prepping and cleaning....and i'm ready to quit for the night, but i can't. we're gone all day tomorrow for kid's birthday and i'm hoping to do nothing in the evening when we get home beyond sitting with her on the couch watching dragula.

earlier today, i was thinking how being a parent is just weird. you get this bundle of newborn potential in your arms and are sent home with no instruction manual, no real guide on how to Do The Right Thing by your bebe to ensure that you nurture and foster their nature to help them become the best THEM they can be.

and you fuck up. no matter how hard you try NOT to, you fuck up. you fuck up because you're human and your new little human is a chaotic mass of incarnate stardust and all you can really do is always, ALWAYS try to do better, to do right by them.

then, time passes, and you're remembering that chaotic mass of wee'un while looking at the adult in front of you and you can't help but think to yourself, "how did she turn out so amazing when she has YOU for a parent?"

( Read more... )

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The tumbleweed is my spirit animal

The life of a homestead mama who is trying to live her best Edwardian lady of leisure life and failing in an epic fashion. :) Farm chores take time, yo!

Recent Entries

goodness!

recovery and preparation

all my dreams are real

from the other site this time....

but i'm not a grinch

hello!

blessed solstice

Solstice Poem by Margaret Atwood

Ha!

Twenty Five Favorite Movies

sitting with myself

106 days until spring

stitched pieces

Twenty five favorite songs

2025 Jumble

sad music: a stark contrast to my happy mood

bits and bobs

Happy Thanksgiving!

so much snow

easy come, girl....easy go

May your barn be warm tonight :)

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November 2026

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