A Storm's Coming In
Apr. 7th, 2020 10:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
liminal_spaceIt's a Bob Dylan day.
Fuck, it's been a Dylan month.
~~
There is movement on horse selling fronts, which is nice. I don't know what will happen -- or when -- but movement makes me feel hopeful. I actually have decided to spend some time working with him because it will do both of us good. He really can be a nice love bug when I let go of expectations, so I'm trying to let them go.
That said, a few days ago he was a royal dick to me and I just laughed; that seemed to molify him a bit and he just stood still and quiet, staring at while I chatted with him about nonsense until his head started dropping and his eyes started closing. Weirdo horse.
I told my trainerfriend that I wasn't mad anymore, and she said she could tell. The thing is, it's absolutely true -- those words came out without thinking, really: they just were a truth to be said. I didn't realize how angry I was at the situation (and him)(and me) until I acknowledged that the anger was gone.
If I spent time thinking about that, I'd wonder how much other STUFF is streaking my heart with black that I don't know about. So, for now at least, I'm not going to spend time thinking about it.
~~
We have a few more days of wet hitting us. Yay and boo, all at the same time.
a) this is my FAVORITE weather.
b) it's slowing down construction of the property fencing.
c) california needs it!
d) it makes doing things with horses nothing more than sloggy maintenance.
~~
I've felt like I should reach out to ex BFF with a little check-in, and I might. Or might not. The last few times she's reached out, I've responded in what felt like nice ways and she's accused me of reading more into things than are there. I swear, the first times that happened I was like WTF, Yo? and tried to respond to make her remember that I don't do shallow and casual well. The last time, I just...didn't respond at all.
She and I are really over, have been for a long time, but we're probably still not over each other if that makes any sense. Your first artistic soul mate holds a special place in your heart.
She comes up right now because our time together is linked with chains and locks to Bob Dylan songs. I can't listen to him -- especially Blood on the Tracks -- without remembering. It doesn't hurt anymore, but it tickles the feels, letting me know it's not gone all the way.
A change in the weather is known to be extreme
But what's the sense of changing horses in midstream?
I'm going out of my mind, oh
With a pain that stops and starts
Like a corkscrew to my heart
Ever since we've been apart
~~
Today I'm going to convert my academic planner to a Lori planner. =D I have some goals for this unique opportunity for change and want to plan them out and do them. The first few weeks of this quarantine had me so knotted up and worried that I couldn't think straight. Now it feels like there's a clarity and simplicity that I want to hold on to.
It not so secretly makes me want to say "fuck you" to work: I do not mind this staying at home and doing shit I love to do. It's a good feeling and I have, right now, about 4.5 months to embrace it.
....and look for something else. srsly, i'm exploring things. ;)
I'm also going to tidy the shared living space, since my roommates (husband and daughter lol) are slobs.
Fuck, it's been a Dylan month.
~~
There is movement on horse selling fronts, which is nice. I don't know what will happen -- or when -- but movement makes me feel hopeful. I actually have decided to spend some time working with him because it will do both of us good. He really can be a nice love bug when I let go of expectations, so I'm trying to let them go.
That said, a few days ago he was a royal dick to me and I just laughed; that seemed to molify him a bit and he just stood still and quiet, staring at while I chatted with him about nonsense until his head started dropping and his eyes started closing. Weirdo horse.
I told my trainerfriend that I wasn't mad anymore, and she said she could tell. The thing is, it's absolutely true -- those words came out without thinking, really: they just were a truth to be said. I didn't realize how angry I was at the situation (and him)(and me) until I acknowledged that the anger was gone.
If I spent time thinking about that, I'd wonder how much other STUFF is streaking my heart with black that I don't know about. So, for now at least, I'm not going to spend time thinking about it.
~~
We have a few more days of wet hitting us. Yay and boo, all at the same time.
a) this is my FAVORITE weather.
b) it's slowing down construction of the property fencing.
c) california needs it!
d) it makes doing things with horses nothing more than sloggy maintenance.
~~
I've felt like I should reach out to ex BFF with a little check-in, and I might. Or might not. The last few times she's reached out, I've responded in what felt like nice ways and she's accused me of reading more into things than are there. I swear, the first times that happened I was like WTF, Yo? and tried to respond to make her remember that I don't do shallow and casual well. The last time, I just...didn't respond at all.
She and I are really over, have been for a long time, but we're probably still not over each other if that makes any sense. Your first artistic soul mate holds a special place in your heart.
She comes up right now because our time together is linked with chains and locks to Bob Dylan songs. I can't listen to him -- especially Blood on the Tracks -- without remembering. It doesn't hurt anymore, but it tickles the feels, letting me know it's not gone all the way.
A change in the weather is known to be extreme
But what's the sense of changing horses in midstream?
I'm going out of my mind, oh
With a pain that stops and starts
Like a corkscrew to my heart
Ever since we've been apart
~~
Today I'm going to convert my academic planner to a Lori planner. =D I have some goals for this unique opportunity for change and want to plan them out and do them. The first few weeks of this quarantine had me so knotted up and worried that I couldn't think straight. Now it feels like there's a clarity and simplicity that I want to hold on to.
It not so secretly makes me want to say "fuck you" to work: I do not mind this staying at home and doing shit I love to do. It's a good feeling and I have, right now, about 4.5 months to embrace it.
....and look for something else. srsly, i'm exploring things. ;)
I'm also going to tidy the shared living space, since my roommates (husband and daughter lol) are slobs.
