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liminal_spacehello, livejournal people.
contrary to rumor, i am very much still around...but connecting to anything (and anyone) in a meaningful way has been increasingly difficult due to at least two fistfuls of reasons.
i don't know if it's going to get a lot better, but it's already become a little easier to manage, so that's something.
fix #1:
i took leave off from work. twelve unpaid weeks which puts me right at summer. ten weeks there. then, back to school. i already feel like a weight has been removed from my shoulders and that's a good thing. mister noticed it right away: 'you are like you were ten years ago' he said. (oh, how i wish.)
but yeah, friday was my last day and the second i was done with my classes, i felt like i could finally breathe deeply and exhale fully. i wanted to be 100% done, but there were a few things i had to do for them (because nothing says wait to the last fucking minute like people in education -- which is weird, because nothing also says plan so far fucking ahead you will invariably need to make changes like people in education) and i cranked them out. my contract says i don't have to do -anything- for subs; so i made 3 large lessons. my contract says i don't have to answer e-mails or do school work; so i worked on our budget and grants. i also answered a few emails from students; those i see as not work. those i see as from the heart.
i'm done though. seriously. i caught myself checking e-mail, so i'm going to log out of the school account. if i have to log in to check, i'll be better equipped to say eff it.
i do have to make a "going back" decision by june 30th. i don't want to talk about that right now, so....later.
#
we had to put our dog finnegan down a few weeks ago. :( poor old girl gets to rest now and she deserved it so very, very much. she came to visit me in the evening of the day it happened and i swear, it wasn't wishful thinking. i stopped what i was doing and listened very closely and i could still hear her.
she hasn't been back since, so i'm assuming she's on a grand adventure somewhere -- i imagine she will make it back to visit again. i really do.
we're going to get a lilac and plant it and bury her ashes by it. i hesitate on that because i don't know that we'll be here forever....but still.
#
i started a business with a laser cutter. i don't want to talk about that either, so more on that later.
#
points:
- i have been watching japanese women go through their daily motions on youtube. lots of cooking and bad english translations (which i love) and NO SPOKEN WORDS. it's soothing and inspired me to make tamagoyaki which i can do reasonably well even without the special rectangle pan. i have always made a mean miso soup, so we've been doing that -- so. much. sodium. -- and stir fry. this week i'm trying my hand at onigiri...i can do it. o.O i hope.
- my beautiful little girl starts high school next year. :( yeah, those of you that were with me since her super little time? join me in the FEELING FUCKING OLD seats in the SELF PITY section for a few moments. lol
- i haven't been to see my horse in over a week. i haven't ridden in months. i suck.
- i have gotten quarantine squishyfat. :( i have to tackle this and the plan is monday at the latest. want to join me?
- lots of teevee -- we started watching resident alien and that's my new favorite thing ever.
- i hesitate to admit this, but we got a puppy very soon after finnegan left. i generally wouldn't have wanted this, but the circumstances were right. he's a cute guy and we named him nandor (what we do in the shadows). photo dump later. because you need to see him.
no, really. he's gorgeous.
~~~~
and a message because you may need to hear it:
-- you deserve to be happy and if that happy means you are on your own, then so be it. life is too short for not living in the neighborhood of joy.
contrary to rumor, i am very much still around...but connecting to anything (and anyone) in a meaningful way has been increasingly difficult due to at least two fistfuls of reasons.
i don't know if it's going to get a lot better, but it's already become a little easier to manage, so that's something.
fix #1:
i took leave off from work. twelve unpaid weeks which puts me right at summer. ten weeks there. then, back to school. i already feel like a weight has been removed from my shoulders and that's a good thing. mister noticed it right away: 'you are like you were ten years ago' he said. (oh, how i wish.)
but yeah, friday was my last day and the second i was done with my classes, i felt like i could finally breathe deeply and exhale fully. i wanted to be 100% done, but there were a few things i had to do for them (because nothing says wait to the last fucking minute like people in education -- which is weird, because nothing also says plan so far fucking ahead you will invariably need to make changes like people in education) and i cranked them out. my contract says i don't have to do -anything- for subs; so i made 3 large lessons. my contract says i don't have to answer e-mails or do school work; so i worked on our budget and grants. i also answered a few emails from students; those i see as not work. those i see as from the heart.
i'm done though. seriously. i caught myself checking e-mail, so i'm going to log out of the school account. if i have to log in to check, i'll be better equipped to say eff it.
i do have to make a "going back" decision by june 30th. i don't want to talk about that right now, so....later.
#
we had to put our dog finnegan down a few weeks ago. :( poor old girl gets to rest now and she deserved it so very, very much. she came to visit me in the evening of the day it happened and i swear, it wasn't wishful thinking. i stopped what i was doing and listened very closely and i could still hear her.
she hasn't been back since, so i'm assuming she's on a grand adventure somewhere -- i imagine she will make it back to visit again. i really do.
we're going to get a lilac and plant it and bury her ashes by it. i hesitate on that because i don't know that we'll be here forever....but still.
#
i started a business with a laser cutter. i don't want to talk about that either, so more on that later.
#
points:
- i have been watching japanese women go through their daily motions on youtube. lots of cooking and bad english translations (which i love) and NO SPOKEN WORDS. it's soothing and inspired me to make tamagoyaki which i can do reasonably well even without the special rectangle pan. i have always made a mean miso soup, so we've been doing that -- so. much. sodium. -- and stir fry. this week i'm trying my hand at onigiri...i can do it. o.O i hope.
- my beautiful little girl starts high school next year. :( yeah, those of you that were with me since her super little time? join me in the FEELING FUCKING OLD seats in the SELF PITY section for a few moments. lol
- i haven't been to see my horse in over a week. i haven't ridden in months. i suck.
- i have gotten quarantine squishyfat. :( i have to tackle this and the plan is monday at the latest. want to join me?
- lots of teevee -- we started watching resident alien and that's my new favorite thing ever.
- i hesitate to admit this, but we got a puppy very soon after finnegan left. i generally wouldn't have wanted this, but the circumstances were right. he's a cute guy and we named him nandor (what we do in the shadows). photo dump later. because you need to see him.
no, really. he's gorgeous.
~~~~
and a message because you may need to hear it:
-- you deserve to be happy and if that happy means you are on your own, then so be it. life is too short for not living in the neighborhood of joy.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2021-03-04 04:38 pm (UTC)HOLY FUCK SHE'S OLDER THAN YODA
*Also, LP turns 29 this year
no subject
Date: 2021-03-04 04:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-04 06:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-04 08:33 pm (UTC)Hey. You sound like you have a ton on your plate. Please know that your message at the end? It applies to you, too. I’m glad you took the leave - it sounds like it’s probably a good thing 💕
no subject
Date: 2021-03-04 08:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-05 12:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-05 06:51 am (UTC)I'm so sorry about Finnegan
no subject
Date: 2021-03-05 12:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-05 07:44 pm (UTC)I am glad that you are away from school, it sounded like being pecked to death by ducks and glad that it's been a positive change.
Sad about your dog but more lilacs is never a bad thing :)
I am intrigued by the laser cutter...
And we watch this lady and it makes us happy. I get it :)
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJjyyWFwUIOfKhb35WgCqVg
no subject
Date: 2021-03-05 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-05 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-05 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-05 08:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-05 08:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-05 08:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-05 08:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-05 08:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-05 08:59 pm (UTC)being away — even for this very short time — has been marvelous. MARVELOUS. the analogy of duck pecking? SO VERY RIGHT.
finnegan's leaving has left a whole in my heart, but you're right...more lilacs is always a good idea.
i'll post some stuff from the laser cutter soon! and i LOVE that little abuelita! <3
here's the girl i watch:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_RDtmUq7RISJ4mFKAhjzTg
no subject
Date: 2021-03-05 09:03 pm (UTC)Not me, I'm in denial!
no subject
Date: 2021-03-05 11:27 pm (UTC)It IS easier to apply good things to others than ourselves sometimes.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-06 01:01 pm (UTC)