i don't and i do...

[liminal_space]

for the first time in a few months, i worked on our budget and was surprised that i didn't go into fits of crankiness and hissy. go me! normal savings is at a long term low and we are doing something we haven't had to do since kid was super super wee....live paycheck to paycheck. 

the only reason, i think, i'm not completely losing my shit and imagining every emergency happening all at once is the money for the down on this house is still sitting snug and happy in the minnesconsin bank and the california house has enough movement on it to make me think it actually WILL sell at some point (lol and *cry* all at the same time). once the house sells, i'll pay off the cards we used for the move and my car and will feel like there's far more breathing room than there is now. 

the current budget has all the necessary and some unnecessary things in it with enough slush at the end of the month to handle surprises if there are any. what is sad is that there are rarely surprises, but i still manage to find a way to spend the slush money. i'm a spender, i'll admit it. :( 

a big expense this month that will eat all of my miscellaneous $$ is kid needs her books for classes. we need to hold off on that for a few days, because i think she's going to change up her courses this semester and we need to wait for that to happen. i was hoping to help her to do that today, but it may be tomorrow. 

why do today what you can forget about and put off until tomorrow, right?

RIGHT.

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we finally had some substantial (for me it's substantial) snow and it's super fluffy and powdery (perfect for skiing if that's your gig! it is NOT my gig — i hated it the few times i've done it and always ended up with snow in my underwear even with snoveralls....i'm more of a sitting in the lodge drinking hot toddies kind of girl) and even though i'm disappointed in it not being good snowman making snow, i'm glad we have some pretty white. 

i posted a few pictures yesterday (i think) on instagram if you want to take a peek. there's one of kimjoy running about that makes me very happy. she's so cute. kid herself has not gone out at all, but that needs to get rectified today. i don't know why it's important to me to get her out there, but it is. hashtag mean mom.

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i have a few things i want to get accomplished today, but i'm moving pretty slowly. i'm not tired nor feeling particularly lazy, i'm just...meandering languidly. *nod*

a friend made a challenge to me after i confessed that i am just not writing anything at the moment. there's like ZERO playing with language, although today in my personal journal i compared myself to samuel pepys — saying i write about my good husband, beloved child, and indigestion. that cracked me up. 

(and i really don't write about indigestion, but if i ever get a case of it that warrants writing about, i shall.)

anyway. the challenge. we talked about how writing has to GO somewhere...when it lives in a vacuum, it sort of just lingers in perpetual stasis and does nothing. it doesn't even meander languidly. o.O so, her challenge was to find one of the ubiquitous platforms out there where you can post what you write and people may or may not read it and may or may not heart it. 

"but can i trust these people to know if it's good or not? maybe they're the type of reader that think shitty books are good books," i muttered at her. 

"who cares?" she responded and yeah, she's right. 

so, i did a search and came up with a few different ones that might fit what i want to put out there. the idea right now is to write for the pure pleasure of writing — no self-critique, no beating myself up over anything....just WRITE. for this first foray, i picked the one that feels like it will be a platform for me to get my writing chops back. 

once i for sure decide where to be and what to do, i'll either share the link or shut up about it — talking about putting stuff out there and being too chicken shit to share it completely negates what i'm trying to do. 

*sigh* 

i really do annoy myself. a lot. 

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what else? 

mister's "raise" is all hung up and weird, but tomorrow they're all having the first meeting of a few to iron out his path forward (and title change. and $$ that goes along with it.). the word on the street is that possibly he'll be making enough to JUST ABOUT meet what we were making when i was working, too. 

that would be...nice. i would like that very much, kthx. especially since the second kid gets her driving permit and drives our car, we're out another $250 a month for insurance. *sigh*

effin' kids. lol