liminal_space | easy come, girl....easy go (Reply)

+ it's been raining on and off, so of course the horses had to roll and make themselves into mud pies. oh, what fun. :)

+ you know how there's /regular/ clean and then /company/ clean? yesterday i was sure i was company ready, but apparently i'm full of shit. all day has been cooking and prepping and cleaning....and i'm ready to quit for the night, but i can't. we're gone all day tomorrow for kid's birthday and i'm hoping to do nothing in the evening when we get home beyond sitting with her on the couch watching dragula.

earlier today, i was thinking how being a parent is just weird. you get this bundle of newborn potential in your arms and are sent home with no instruction manual, no real guide on how to Do The Right Thing by your bebe to ensure that you nurture and foster their nature to help them become the best THEM they can be.

and you fuck up. no matter how hard you try NOT to, you fuck up. you fuck up because you're human and your new little human is a chaotic mass of incarnate stardust and all you can really do is always, ALWAYS try to do better, to do right by them.

then, time passes, and you're remembering that chaotic mass of wee'un while looking at the adult in front of you and you can't help but think to yourself, "how did she turn out so amazing when she has YOU for a parent?"

i know that i'm not a bad parent. i'm not TOO selfish, we worked hard to make sure her environment was a safe and loving place, we made choices that kept the emotional stability as strong as possible for our family. we took the whole responsible adult thing really seriously, which still surprises me. not about mister — he was born an old soul with common sense — because until she came along, i was....

...a chaotic mass of incarnate stardust.

and here we are, on the eve of the little turning 19. finishing her 2nd year of college, when most of her peers are just starting. full of kindness and wit and artistic talent that boggles my brain. i love this girl of mine.

+ the house smells absolutely amazing — i decided to do beef pozole and i don't think i've smelled beefy-smells like this in AGES.

and i don't know about where you are, but here? beef is teh EFF expensive. o.O i got a 3.5 lb chuck roast and it was over $30. o.O has beef been this costly for a long time???? it's crazy!

ok. lort help me, time to get back to cleaning for company.