liminal_space | bits and bobs (Reply)

+ yesterday i made a panera copycat winter squash soup and it was delicious. not quite as good as panera's, but with less sugar and heavy cream, not surprising. ;)

since it was black friday, i also spent part of the day shopping. or having mister show me things i might be interested in. i didn't buy anything, but hinted heavily that a pair of skis, cute ski pants, boots, and poles would be a "good investment."

he ignored me and i get why: we need to rent stuff before we buy stuff, in case i do this one time and say EFF no.

i still may get these ski pants because they look like they would work for other things out in the snow. look at all those pockets for horse treats, hoof picks, eggs, chicken scratch, handwarmers, bubble gum, etc and so on.

+ over the course of the last 24 hours, we've sold seven dozen eggs! o.O there are only two small eggs left, and i might have those on toast for dinner. or i might make steamed eggs over sticky rice with veggies of some type. or i might just have soup.

at this point, i honestly don't want to cook anything complex or complicated for awhile, so we'll see.

+ mister and kid went to his parents' house for their family thanksgiving. i opted not to go — partially because after friendsgiving i am back to eating normally, but mostly because there is always such WEIRDNESS there that to go is to put my mental health and self-control to the test. mental health because the energy is so dysfunctional and self-control because i have to work to keep from saying something i'll regret.

it's just too exhausting.

while they're gone, i'm putzing around and thinking big thoughts about things. i'm also playing diabloIV trying to finish out the season so i can get the stupid in-game pet. YES, I AM THAT PERSON.

what make is even more fun is my little office is down in the basement. =D i'm almost a stereotype!

+ after the feast last weekend, i gained 3 lbs and knew it was not "real" weight but what i call "momentary bad choices weight." this morning those 3 lbs are gone PLUS an extra one went with them. yay!

i still can't believe how far i've come in the last two years — mid december 2023 was when i started this journey. some of the healthy changes i have made are now healthy habits; some are still a struggle. by this time next year, i am hopeful that most of the struggle-bus issues are gone, but i am full-on into handling whatever shit i have to in this journey. quest. adventure. whatever it is.

i wish i could say i decided to make the changes for myself, but at first it was about wanting to be the right weight to do what i wanted to do with a horse. (which is: ride around in cute equestrian gear and not die....and do 1 show someday) then it became about being PRESENT in my body and going back to the things i love (outside STUFF....). then being around for longer for my family and being a better role model for my daughter became my driving force. mixed in it all the time was wanting to feeling good in my own skin.

it's rarely been about how anyone else sees me — thank goodness.

i am less than 20 lbs away from the goal weight i've set for myself. once i get there, we'll see if i want to drop a bit more — but in my mind, that's where i'll have to shift to maintenance mode, which will be a whole NEW mindfuck probably.

it's always something.

anyway, well over one hundred pounds gone has made me not only feel lighter in body, but in spirit.

and of course there are people who want to shit on weight loss success, or who feel jealous and are downright ugly humans on the inside and who lash out with their shitty little barbs.

bless their hearts, they have such zero impact on me that i wonder why they expend the effort.

(i actually know why and understand. but that sort of ugly has no place in my life — it's nothing but taint and bile. ick.)

ok! time to move that body upstairs to hangout with the beasts.

peace, loves. <3