he was not hers, he was ours....

i've been thinking a lot about smitty recently and how much i miss him. he was a typical thoroughbred in temperament and was a challenge in many ways, but his heart...oh, his heart.

i can't help but feel my heart hurt at times, because while i don't know what his life was like before he came to us, i know it wasn't lovely. every week, fb memories pop up with him in them and there's a mix of happy and pain and grief.

i miss him so very much. i miss resting my head against his and feeling him communicate with me; i miss resting my head against his side and hearing his breath and his heartbeat.

what mitigates it is that i know he told me /thank you/ on many occasions. he understood that from day one, we journeyed to become the best horse stewards we could be for him. we changed diet; we changed feet; we learned to listen; we gave him a place where his final four years were ones with friends and lots of space.

when we put him down, i felt him pass. i felt him rush away from the confines of physical bodies and limitations. i felt him canter through me, by me...and i felt his gratitude and love.

he was such a beautiful boy.