The Importance of Reflection
May. 4th, 2018 09:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
liminal_spaceif i had to pick the point in time when i really started feeling off, it would most likely be right around when my mother passed away and all the drama relating to her estate started erupting....about fourteen months ago.
that's a long, long time to be in dire need of spirit-chiropractic care. and this is the first time in my life that i haven't known, instinctively, what to do. my energy is all akimbo, with negativity being the frequent captain of my ship and it's been daunting and sometimes horrible being a day-to-day me trying to function in a way that feels somewhat acceptable.
a few weeks ago, i felt like the "solution" was there, but solidifying it -- even in words -- was elusive; always on the tip of my tongue, but completely unable to be stuttered out. a few days ago, a simplified version of the solution presented itself. basically, i need to just let go of the things i can't control and worry about the things i can control. and even those? let go of the worry completely.
easy, right?
well, one of the biggest sources of BS has been the quest for a horse. my trainer keeps telling me that i need to stop "searching" and it will come. so, i told myself that i was going to stop searching; i'd keep looking, but the excessive frantic and focused energy attaching itself to this horse journey was bringing nothing but bad into my life. i put it in the universe's hands and let go. day before yesterday i found an interesting horse, reached out, and yesterday there were many emails and conversations.
he sounds PERFECT for me. he's not what i envisioned for myself as a forever horse, but he is lovely. meet akicita:
it's not an even close to done deal, but the vibe from the lady and the on-paper horse are amazing. he's about 2 hours away and she's busy with derby stuff this weekend, so we're not going to be able to look at him until next week sometime.
i hope it works out, but if it doesn't, it doesn't.
see? better attitude already.
conscious efforts HOURLY to not bitch, not complain, not get frazzled are paying off. =D i still can tell my juju is really distorted and strange, and again, it goes back to my energy, my qi, being dispersed and diluted. i know how to help things along (diet change, meditation, conscious effort to shake the negative off, yoga, etc), but i am thinking about seeing an energy person to get my chakras all aligned and happy.
it couldn't hurt, right?
i know that sounds chanty and really weird to western ears, and while i have no real need to justify my thinking, i can't understand how things like this sound silly to people who believe in a singular, conscious, omnipotent deity that rules the cosmos.
it's all good, yo. it's all good.
~~~
bullet points of life:
1. kid's been sick forever and out of school for close to two weeks. hopefully she can go back monday.
2. we're in the middle of state testing and my students have done a good job for the most part. next year, i will be doing ZERO TESTING -- new position as PLTW teacher = fun vs. tests. yay!
3. my 17 year anniversary is coming up. it seems like we've been together forever and no time at all....that's a good thing.
that's a long, long time to be in dire need of spirit-chiropractic care. and this is the first time in my life that i haven't known, instinctively, what to do. my energy is all akimbo, with negativity being the frequent captain of my ship and it's been daunting and sometimes horrible being a day-to-day me trying to function in a way that feels somewhat acceptable.
a few weeks ago, i felt like the "solution" was there, but solidifying it -- even in words -- was elusive; always on the tip of my tongue, but completely unable to be stuttered out. a few days ago, a simplified version of the solution presented itself. basically, i need to just let go of the things i can't control and worry about the things i can control. and even those? let go of the worry completely.
easy, right?
well, one of the biggest sources of BS has been the quest for a horse. my trainer keeps telling me that i need to stop "searching" and it will come. so, i told myself that i was going to stop searching; i'd keep looking, but the excessive frantic and focused energy attaching itself to this horse journey was bringing nothing but bad into my life. i put it in the universe's hands and let go. day before yesterday i found an interesting horse, reached out, and yesterday there were many emails and conversations.
he sounds PERFECT for me. he's not what i envisioned for myself as a forever horse, but he is lovely. meet akicita:
it's not an even close to done deal, but the vibe from the lady and the on-paper horse are amazing. he's about 2 hours away and she's busy with derby stuff this weekend, so we're not going to be able to look at him until next week sometime.
i hope it works out, but if it doesn't, it doesn't.
see? better attitude already.
conscious efforts HOURLY to not bitch, not complain, not get frazzled are paying off. =D i still can tell my juju is really distorted and strange, and again, it goes back to my energy, my qi, being dispersed and diluted. i know how to help things along (diet change, meditation, conscious effort to shake the negative off, yoga, etc), but i am thinking about seeing an energy person to get my chakras all aligned and happy.
it couldn't hurt, right?
i know that sounds chanty and really weird to western ears, and while i have no real need to justify my thinking, i can't understand how things like this sound silly to people who believe in a singular, conscious, omnipotent deity that rules the cosmos.
it's all good, yo. it's all good.
~~~
bullet points of life:
1. kid's been sick forever and out of school for close to two weeks. hopefully she can go back monday.
2. we're in the middle of state testing and my students have done a good job for the most part. next year, i will be doing ZERO TESTING -- new position as PLTW teacher = fun vs. tests. yay!
3. my 17 year anniversary is coming up. it seems like we've been together forever and no time at all....that's a good thing.
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