liminal_space | hello, hurricane/tropical storm hillary

i think the now-hurricane, soon-tropical storm hillary heading for california is being chatted about nationally because we haven't had something this weird happen since 1939. it was odd watching an online news source from minnesconsin mention it in their news.

where i am, we're expected to get close to 4" of rain sunday — it seems to be spread out, which is what's important — it's when we get the massive dumps in short periods of time that mudslides become a bigger issue. we're hoping there's no flooding since the horses are on the valley floor, but all we can do is keep an eye on things.

south of where i am, things have the potential to be much worse. some san bernadino mountain communities have already had evac warnings, but maybe that's just out of an abundance of caution. i hope so.

the move continues forward. in theory, we could actually be in minnesconsin this time next month! o.O crazy!

we still don't have this place on the market, but hopefully this week. fingers crossed on that one. even though i have zero desire to schedule my life around showings, i need to get on it and just suck it up and do it. bleh.

it looks like we're not going to take our horse trailer out — the new plan is to sell it and just get a new one out there. we need a warmblood size (much taller horses than normal sized...and often chunkier, but not always)....so i THINK this is a good idea. hard to tell since everything about this move is a jumble in my head for the most part.

i believe i've figured out when all the stress is going to be gone:

— when we're moved to the point the dogs have a nice fenced area

— when this house is sold.

i'm planning on paying off the tesla and my student loans from the sale of this house, plus replacing our emergency fund and dumping a chunk in retirement. if my numbers are correct, which they probably aren't, i can do all of that PLUS a few things around the new house with the dollars from this place. paying off the car and my loans will free up around $1100 a month — that's nothing to sneeze at.

my goal is to pay off all remaining debt — what we owe the feds + the new house in ten years. o.O it may not be possible, but it MIGHT be. if i bring in some extra dollars and mister continues to get decent salary increases and the odd consulting job, we should be able to do that. what a nice bit of security and wealth we can have for the kid when we leave the world....that makes me happy.

other than the move and the storm, not much else is on my mind. i'm boring and obsessive and it shows.

the anxiety continues to be a huge, worrying issue, but i can't do much more than use the tools i have to combat it. last night i actually had to take a "prescription gummy" because my shoulder was hurting and i couldn't sleep and my mind was racing and and and.

i took it at 2 a.m. and i believe i passed out within 30 minutes. this morning my shoulder feels so much better, so i need to stop being so hesitant to use things that will help me.