Cold Feet

[liminal_space]

it was a nice christmas overall. there was a bad day for me (see previous temper tantrum list) that stemmed from a whole lot of little things that added up to a few big, unwieldy things that made me feel like losing my shit was eminent. i survived, mister and kid survived, and....it's done. 

on christmas eve, mister and kid went over to his parents' house for a family get together. yes, i stayed home — while i like his family for the most part, i don't KNOW them, and it felt disingenuous to go be holly jolly in that setting. so i didn't. :) christmas morning, his parents came over and it was...

i can't explain it, really. there's an energy to his mom that chafes me and it's slightly problematic. some of it stems from her wanting to talk about all the OTHER grandkids instead of the one sitting in front of her — i can *feel* the preference in her for the other ones and it just pisses me off, because my kid is the best kid, dammit. 

but it was all good and we made it through, then i invited them back over for dinner because they weren't doing anything (where were those grandkids THEN, huh?) for christmas dinner and i didn't want them to feel like they didn't have a place to be. by the time dinner rolled around, kid was 100% peopled out, so did a cursory HEYAS, then descended in to her cellar to talk to friends and play video games with them. 

as soon as the in-laws left, i tossed on pjs, cuddled with kjbde, and just exhaled because praise teh lort, the holiday stress is over. 

gift exchanges were thoughtful and really nice, and i'm looking forward to enjoying them this year. especially the socks. seriously, dudes....i got the best socks ever. 

in other amazing news, i made focaccia and it was so so so so so good. i am not the best bread maker in the world (in fact, i really struggle), so this win was MUCH needed.  

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mister has been off work since friday of last week and won't be going back until tuesday of next — so we're utilizing the time off to do a few things that otherwise would get pushed back a bit. 

today or tomorrow, i need to look for a few things that — i hope — will be on sale. i need a cordless vac, a nice humidifier, and from ikea, i'm going to buy a couple of items needed for the kitchen. i'd like to get it all done before the first, so i can start 2024 with a clean slate. we'll see what what sticks. 

i was hoping we'd have some of mister's friends over to play d&d or board games, but i don't know if that will happen. there's just so much to do! i was telling him that i think i'm going to struggle finding my people here — people are.....not what i'm used to. there's no bubble, no giddy, no saltiness that i've found. 

it makes me sad. 

i realize not everyone is the same, but i'm honestly struggling....my interactions with strangers here are SO DIFFERENT from those i had in california. honestly? i noticed it started in kansas, but whatever. 

we'll see. 

we'll see. 

we'll see. 

ok. back to cleaning my desk and work table.