Cold Feet

[liminal_space]

it was a nice christmas overall. there was a bad day for me (see previous temper tantrum list) that stemmed from a whole lot of little things that added up to a few big, unwieldy things that made me feel like losing my shit was eminent. i survived, mister and kid survived, and....it's done. 

on christmas eve, mister and kid went over to his parents' house for a family get together. yes, i stayed home — while i like his family for the most part, i don't KNOW them, and it felt disingenuous to go be holly jolly in that setting. so i didn't. :) christmas morning, his parents came over and it was...

i can't explain it, really. there's an energy to his mom that chafes me and it's slightly problematic. some of it stems from her wanting to talk about all the OTHER grandkids instead of the one sitting in front of her — i can *feel* the preference in her for the other ones and it just pisses me off, because my kid is the best kid, dammit. 

but it was all good and we made it through, then i invited them back over for dinner because they weren't doing anything (where were those grandkids THEN, huh?) for christmas dinner and i didn't want them to feel like they didn't have a place to be. by the time dinner rolled around, kid was 100% peopled out, so did a cursory HEYAS, then descended in to her cellar to talk to friends and play video games with them. 

as soon as the in-laws left, i tossed on pjs, cuddled with kjbde, and just exhaled because praise teh lort, the holiday stress is over. 

gift exchanges were thoughtful and really nice, and i'm looking forward to enjoying them this year. especially the socks. seriously, dudes....i got the best socks ever. 

in other amazing news, i made focaccia and it was so so so so so good. i am not the best bread maker in the world (in fact, i really struggle), so this win was MUCH needed.  

*

mister has been off work since friday of last week and won't be going back until tuesday of next — so we're utilizing the time off to do a few things that otherwise would get pushed back a bit. 

today or tomorrow, i need to look for a few things that — i hope — will be on sale. i need a cordless vac, a nice humidifier, and from ikea, i'm going to buy a couple of items needed for the kitchen. i'd like to get it all done before the first, so i can start 2024 with a clean slate. we'll see what what sticks. 

i was hoping we'd have some of mister's friends over to play d&d or board games, but i don't know if that will happen. there's just so much to do! i was telling him that i think i'm going to struggle finding my people here — people are.....not what i'm used to. there's no bubble, no giddy, no saltiness that i've found. 

it makes me sad. 

i realize not everyone is the same, but i'm honestly struggling....my interactions with strangers here are SO DIFFERENT from those i had in california. honestly? i noticed it started in kansas, but whatever. 

we'll see. 

we'll see. 

we'll see. 

ok. back to cleaning my desk and work table. 

Comments

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

It is easier to make friends in California.

I hung out much of today with a friend who lived her entire life in California, and at one point, we were talking about the difference between California-oriented friends and friends from here (the quaint & scenic Hudson Valley.) And we decided it was that California people are not as activity-oriented: We were hanging out because we wanted to spend time together and not because we both wanted to go to the Frances Lehman Loeb Art Center.

A subtle distinction that I may not be describing in the most articulate of ways. But being from California, maybe you can follow. 😀

Also, of course, it gets much, much harder making friends—as opposed to friendly acquaintances or activity partners—the older you get. It's the quality of the conversation. It doesn't seem to include deep topics, and people have a more difficult time understanding humor.

I've been living in the Hudson Valley for 12 years now, and there are exactly four people out of the scores I've met and keep in some kind of social contact with that I would describe as "friends."

Midwesterners are even more clannish than people inthe Hudson Valley. You may not have to struggle, but I suspect you will have to figure out ways to cast the net.

One suggestion if you can stand it—the Unitarian church is actually a very good way to cast a net out among possibly like-minded people They don't LARP but they do volunteer! 😀 And a regular board game or D&D night sounds awesome—particularly if you put the word out that guests are free to bring round new faces.

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

I think you fleshed out the friendship concept in your journal and I agree with you sooooo much. I honestly worry that I won't find my people here. :( Seriously, everyone here has a sense of humor that I just don't get. And they sure as shit don't get mine.

I know that aging makes making friends difficult, which is why I'm doubly worried. :( I'm really hopeful that doing more in areas like Duluth and Ashland will open some doors.

I may let that idea of church in enough to mull around. I'm just not a church girl. Which, my mother would say, is why I am the way I am. lol :(

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I'm not a church girl, either. But you need large numbers of people into which to cast that friendship net. And Unitarians are not particularly into Jesus or God. Although they are into congregations.

Right now, it sounds like you might benefit from a congregation. 😀

[man-of-snows.livejournal.com]

Family is difficult during the best of circumstances. We all have what works for us. In the Pacific Northwest we have a strong Scandinavian culture and people are insular and closed off for the most-part, much like Midwesterners. They also don't share food out here, which baffles me. Where I grew up, people would ask when you walked in the door, "Did you fill up a plate?"

Glad your bread was a smashing success. I've not had much success with that kind.

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

My family was VERY much "didja eat?" when company (or anyone) showed up. I miss that. I like that word "insular" to describe things here — it's totally spot on.

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

{{{hugs}}}

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

{{{{{back}}}}}

[iltamies.livejournal.com]

You all need to understand that she is in no way shape or form exaggerating about the bread. Her focaccia was sublime. Yet another thing she can just DO and do well, which always amazes me about her.

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

i'm a bread genius.

[inchpinching.livejournal.com]

It sounds like such a thrilling treat to be secure enough to just NOT put yourself in positions you simply don't want to be :D ... in which you do not want to be ... 🤔 um, sorry teacher 🥲

ANYWAY. Yes.
I disowned my mother for her favoritism of my boys over my step-niece i.e. her granddaughter (to be fair, there's a lot more to it, but that was the final straw).
And I finally dropped the viscious-cycle rope straining for my dad's approval when all he could talk about at my college graduation was how my brother was succeeding and award-ing in the Navy. And asking me if I could trim his chihuahua's nails, as though my Environmental Conservation and General Science degrees qualified me to do so.

I have a lot of strong feelings about favoritism towards kids/grandkids 😕 So I am really glad for your daughter that you recognized it, even if it didn't seem to bother her. Does your husband notice?

We got to play a bunch of board games this weekend and omg it was so awesome to have free hands and singular brain with which to focus on a fun task in adult company!! 🙌 If you guys get the chance, doooooooo it do it do it! Are you already friendly with these friends or trying to absorb them into your circle?

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

I lol about the "sorry teacher" — I am the queen of ending sentences in prepositions and it used to drive one of my teacher friends CRAZY. lol

I think mister notices it a bit, but he says "she doesn't mean anything" and I agree that she doesn't. It's just so ingrained that we either deal with it or....not. Right now, I'm inclined to not.

These people are mister's friends from when he lived back here, college, etc. I'm not part of the group and hopeful I'll like them and they'll like me enough for Developing Friendships(tm) — my guess it will be sort of more of a "we like each other to hang out enough to play games" kind of thing. This is hard for me — I have often been (unkindly, sometimes) described as being able to make fast friends with anything that has eyes.

[zeecha.livejournal.com]

I love getting socks as presents (& giving them too). Sounds nice.

I hope that the friends you seek show up--I think it just takes time though. I think it would be difficult to move to a low-populated area and break into friend groups--please cut yourself some slack! I hope it happens sooner than later for you. You seem like you would be a fun friend, so I don't get what's wrong with those people.

oh-I also don't have the greatest luck with making bread and would love a peek at your focaccia recipe.

Stay warm and happy shopping for stuff.

x

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

Socks. Are. The. Best.

Just move here and be my friend? lol I AM fun and tell good stories and am full of whimsy! You would think people would be lining up to be my buddy. =\ (ha)

I am making focaccia tomorrow and will give you the run down and recipe. It truly is easy peasy and encourage you to make some! It's such a confidence booster.

[zeecha.livejournal.com]

Tempting as it is to pull up roots and move up to Minnesconsin, I most likely won't. But! I'm going to be headed to Thunder Bay in September, I believe. Maybe we could work out a visit (as I'm sure I won't drive straight through from here to up there). Something to think about anyway.

:D

I wanna try making focaccia too! so, yah---please do that! looking forward to that (I even have some sun dried tomatoes on hand currently....)