liminal_space | insular moments (Reply)

in five days, i will have reached a full year of my healthward bound journey and can say with complete and utter certainty that making that decision to change my life — and sticking with it — has been one of the best and loving things i have ever done for myself. the reality is that there is still quite a bit of work to do, but it's far, far less than if i had not embraced this different path.

i wanted to start in mid-december, because while i love love love new year resolutions, i know i struggle with them; so giving myself that few weeks of prep felt like the smartest thing to do for me. it was kind of like how i used to start prepping for teaching when there was still a half month of summer vacation left — it's what allowed me to reset my whole self and reduce stress while almost guaranteeing success once school began.

this year, i'm in the same thinking boat. what i want for 2025 is getting resolved and firmed up so that come jan 1st, my feet are moving toward new goals vs. just trying to find my footing.

of course there are more health-related goals, but there are also things i want to do creatively and financially and with my closest relationships.

i truly feel that if 2025 is even HALF as successful as this year, it will be amazing.

there's so much STUFF going on right now that i'm feeling like i'm folding in on myself just to keep sane. mister's leaving for california on wednesday morning, kid's wisdom teeth are coming in and we were able to get her an extraction appointment for...wednesday afternoon. o.O snow is coming and i do NOT drive in the snow (well, technically i'm good at driving in it, just not STOPPING in it or TURNING in it), so there's been discussion with dentist and oral surgeon people on whether we can move it to january 8th....and we can.

kid's mental health is not great right now and that burden of worry on my mothers' heart (i like that pluralization best) is making me sleep very, very poorly and feel very, very tautly pulled. she has an appointment with a psychologist on the 24th of december (sigh) for testing so we can get an official, professional diagnosis for her.

no "answer these 10 questions to see if you have autism and/or adhd" 'round here. although i secretly think she takes those tests herself to self-diagnose. i shouldn't cast shade, considering i am dr. lori with a degree from webmd.

the number of times i've had parasites, dengue fever, and cancer is crazy.

anyway. her anxiety and dips into depression are radiating like waves off her and i am having to build this shell around myself to keep my empathy chip from overloading.

also, there's horse worry and chicken worry and weather worry while mister is gone. it's going to be like....SIX DEGREES one day and TWELVE another. wtf, man?

we should be ok, since:

a) i have finally learned how to almost layer and have actual coats (which i detest) that keep me warm.

b) have insulated farm boots that are not only functional but cute (i know, i know)

c) animals in northern minnesconsin don't just DIE in the winter so people have to get new ones in the spring, and we're pretty set up for shelters for everything

and d) it's JUST A WEEK

*nod* i can do this. i'll bitch and complain, but i can do it.

new horse is getting her vet check this week and if it is clean? she should be coming around the first of the year. :) i finally figured out how to rationalize the cost so am no longer freaking out about spending this much money on a flipping horse. seriously, you guys....a rider of my level should NOT be paying anything over $5000 for a pony, and even THAT is high. for kid's level, triple that could be justified if you're loosey-goosey with logic. which i frequently am.

so, i'm telling myself that we're actually getting the horse for the kid. =D

i feel better about it that way. o.O

ok. time to do some homeschool stuff with the kid. i HATE working on writing with her because it's so hard to explain/teach some of the elements that take adequate writing to GOOD writing. i'm like...."you just....WRITE."

which, of course, is not helpful.