insular moments

[liminal_space]

in five days, i will have reached a full year of my healthward bound journey and can say with complete and utter certainty that making that decision to change my life — and sticking with it — has been one of the best and loving things i have ever done for myself. the reality is that there is still quite a bit of work to do, but it's far, far less than if i had not embraced this different path. 

i wanted to start in mid-december, because while i love love love new year resolutions, i know i struggle with them; so giving myself that few weeks of prep felt like the smartest thing to do for me. it was kind of like how i used to start prepping for teaching when there was still a half month of summer vacation left — it's what allowed me to reset my whole self and reduce stress while almost guaranteeing success once school began. 

this year, i'm in the same thinking boat. what i want for 2025 is getting resolved and firmed up so that come jan 1st, my feet are moving toward new goals vs. just trying to find my footing. 

of course there are more health-related goals, but there are also things i want to do creatively and financially and with my closest relationships. 

i truly feel that if 2025 is even HALF as successful as this year, it will be amazing. 

*

there's so much STUFF going on right now that i'm feeling like i'm folding in on myself just to keep sane. mister's leaving for california on wednesday morning, kid's wisdom teeth are coming in and we were able to get her an extraction appointment for...wednesday afternoon. o.O snow is coming and i do NOT drive in the snow (well, technically i'm good at driving in it, just not STOPPING in it or TURNING in it), so there's been discussion with dentist and oral surgeon people on whether we can move it to january 8th....and we can. 

kid's mental health is not great right now and that burden of worry on my mothers' heart (i like that pluralization best) is making me sleep very, very poorly and feel very, very tautly pulled. she has an appointment with a psychologist on the 24th of december (sigh) for testing so we can get an official, professional diagnosis for her. 

no "answer these 10 questions to see if you have autism and/or adhd" 'round here. although i secretly think she takes those tests herself to self-diagnose. i shouldn't cast shade, considering i am dr. lori with a degree from webmd. 

the number of times i've had parasites, dengue fever, and cancer is crazy. 

anyway. her anxiety and dips into depression are radiating like waves off her and i am having to build this shell around myself to keep my empathy chip from overloading. 

also, there's horse worry and chicken worry and weather worry while mister is gone. it's going to be like....SIX DEGREES one day and TWELVE another. wtf, man? 

we should be ok, since:

a) i have finally learned how to almost layer and have actual coats (which i detest) that keep me warm.

b) have insulated farm boots that are not only functional but cute (i know, i know)

c) animals in northern minnesconsin don't just DIE in the winter so people have to get new ones in the spring, and we're pretty set up for shelters for everything

and d) it's JUST A WEEK

*nod* i can do this. i'll bitch and complain, but i can do it.

*

new horse is getting her vet check this week and if it is clean? she should be coming around the first of the year. :) i finally figured out how to rationalize the cost so am no longer freaking out about spending this much money on a flipping horse. seriously, you guys....a rider of my level should NOT be paying anything over $5000 for a pony, and even THAT is high. for kid's level, triple that could be justified if you're loosey-goosey with logic. which i frequently am.

so, i'm telling myself that we're actually getting the horse for the kid. =D 

i feel better about it that way. o.O

~~

ok. time to do some homeschool stuff with the kid. i HATE working on writing with her because it's so hard to explain/teach some of the elements that take adequate writing to GOOD writing. i'm like...."you just....WRITE." 

which, of course, is not helpful. 

Comments

[kensmind.livejournal.com]

You're an inspiration for sticking with your health goal!

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

what a nice thing to say! thank you. :)

[sweetmeow]

I must compliment you on sticking to your health plan over the last year. I totally understand how hard it can be. Food is both seductive and addictive, and congratulations on hanging in there.

I also totally get why it's best not to correspond "New Year's Resolutions" with weight loss. Just saying something is a "New Year's Resolution" will bring on sabotage! So "prepping" — beginning early — is wise. You'll already be into it when the new year begins. So — keep on keeping on!

Hoping for good things for your daughter. Moms become "Mother Bears" when there are health issues!! Hang tight with her, too.

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

thank you! yep, it's been a BEAR sometimes over the year with a handful of times i've just wanted to quit. sugar still continues to be my nemesis and i hope this next year, it becomes something that's much, much easier for me to just pass on/not want.

kid has antibiotics and emergency pain killers to get her by until the 7th. i think we'll be ok. i hope. lol

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

You can do it!!

I think if you get a nice, trained horse to help you through your learning, then it's totally worth it.

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

:))

misty is a very nice and well trained horse in SOME areas. she's just now learning dressage stuff, but the foundation for a sound mind and willingness to work is there. i'm REALLY excited about this! it's still so much money, though. :( and bridles and bits and reins and halters and a blanket and and and. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$you know exactly what i'm talking about$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

and i've been thinking of you the last week or so. i am sending you loads and loads of positive energy and the hope the heavens rain down money soon. xo

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah.

I really appreciate that. ***hugs***

[man-of-snows.livejournal.com]

I hope 2025 is a huge success for your goals. There was a funny comment on FB today about a picture of ice closing over the top of a lake with fish in it. The person asked, "But do the fish just DIE in the winter?!" The comments afterward were kind and hilarious.

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

thank you! last year one of the lakes froze over and i was idly wondering about the fish and asked mister husband if they hibernated. he laughed at me (kindly!). :)

[zeecha.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to tell this to you, But! It *will* get colder. Wait 'til January! As an aside, I have this moon calendar and the full moon on the 15th is call 'the Cold Moon.'

Way to go on your health goals. That's really great. I like how you have 2025 framed. I believe you're right about setting resolutions in January too.

Sending you Mama Bear juju. I hope your dd will find her way.

x

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

*fingers in ears* lalalalalala i am not listening about weather! :P lol i should get a moon calendar too!!!!! that sounds really cool! is that the soonest named moon?

i am learning more about myself through this journey than i thought i would. i have discovered that i am, basically, a sloth. =D combatting that is difficult!

i am so worried about bebe girl kid that it's making me a knot inside. i am confident that we'll get through this, but it's so hard to watch and not be able to FIX right away. =\

xo

[zeecha.livejournal.com]

Yes, the full moon is the next moon phase, on the 15th, is called the Cold Moon on the calendar I have. It's also called the Long Night Moon, too.

Have you ever read at EarthSky.org? They are all about astronomical happenings, well-they cover earth & sky events. I like it because they'll have an article that will tell you the exact time of the full moon (or whatever phase) if it's early a.m. or sometime in the p.m.!

I think being a parent, watching your child grow...is sometimes like watching a butterfly emerge from a cocoon. If you help them push through, it can be detrimental to their wings. Obvs, a butterfly isn't a person, but I hope you see my point. It IS hard to watch our kids struggle-whether it's in school or love, or finance or their own parenting...Sometimes people need to make their own mistakes (not saying they won't need an assist) and just know that they are loved in spite and despite their mistakes.

x