a thousand pound weight has been lifted

[liminal_space]

+ after almost half a year of waiting for Things To Happen, it all seemed to get resolved in a blink of an eye. yesterday mister finally got his offer letter and his new hire paperwork for the new place — he starts monday. =D 

the "pass the test, get more money" thing had a hiccup, but his current job is going to start paying him as if there wasn't a hiccup...with the first check being on the 15th. 

we think there will be a paycheck from current company through the first of september, then he'll be working either as a part-time employee, serving as a consultant on big weird projects or as a straight consultant. with that, plus the $ from the "PTTGMM" thing, it will probably be relatively close to half of what he's making with them right now. 

he really, really is good at what he does. 

he's looking at kayaks, i'm looking at saddles, kid is looking at breyer horses...we all have ideas on what a bit of extra frivolous money should go toward. 

anyway, whew! :) this is going to mean a lot more saving/investing opportunities for us as a family! oh, and fun opportunities, too. the only reason i'm not looking for alaska vacations ATM is getting a farm sitter that does things the way we want them to (read: bougie ass chickens need bougie ass care...and if my horse doesn't hear that she's gorgeous 194 times a day, she poops in her water). we'll figure that part out, i'm sure. 

+ i really miss having our friend k here! while i'm thankful for getting back to our routine and our quiet, he's such a fun guy to have around. there's a chance that he may be moving out here and staying with us much longer termed: he's finally getting sick of how his wife treats him. =\ i really do adore his wife, but being married to her has got to be so degrading and problematic that the more i hear and have seen, the more i'm losing respect for her. 

at the same time, i feel for him but also am like "dude, if it's this bad, leave. LEAVE. leave, leave, leave."

i know that's easy to say on this side of the situation, but i can't stomach people being shitty about their spouses. i'm not talking about common snarking or problems that the majority of us have, i'm talking about the ugly shit, the kind that leads to trauma and broken bits and bobs. 

i guess while he was here, he was shocked to see how mister and i — along with our friends j &t — just get along and are supportive of each other, how we're KIND and loving, how we're friends and partners. it shocks me that he's NOT like that. i don't get it — i never, ever, EVER would have gotten married if i had not been 1000% sure that we were capable and willing to move through life together in a way that was, at its core, joyful. 

really, though, people change. if they didn't, i imagine there'd be far fewer divorces. that said? staying in a marriage that is so toxic baffles me — especially when leaving is possible. 

then again, i know that love complicates things to a degree that is often hard to manage. love is a lovely little tangle-trap, pure and simple. 

+ tomorrow kid is heading east to spend the day with her friend. they've got a movie and shopping and eating planned out. fun! since neither of the two spectrum queens drive, i'll be the chauffeur. i'm good at that. 

sunday, my little family and i are heading out for another four hour kayak paddle down the river. THIS time, i am taking a towel with me to cover my legs if they start burning, freezing my water so i have something cold to drink, bring sun screen to refresh halfway through, and snacks because it's a serious energy drain and sustenance is needed. 

+ i seem to have found my groove again and WL has picked up. three changes seem to have kicked things back into alignment: 1. going back to the eating basics that made me so successful through this journey, 2. more targeted and intense exercise, and 3. my doctor upped one of my medications that helps with metabolic health. whee! 

only a few handfuls of pounds until i meet what i'm thinking will be my "hover around this number" goal weight. then again, who knows? the thinner i am, the smaller my horse can be. 

although that was a philosophy on the table when we got misty, and she's a nice chonk of 16.1 hands. at least. kid swears she's at least 16.2, but i don't want to stick her to find out.....i'll call her my pony no matter what and treat her thusly. *nod* (for my non-horse friends, "hands" is how horses are measured.)

+ speaking of horses, i should go to some more chores in the barn before i completely run out of motivation. 

xo

Comments

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

i know that love complicates things to a degree that is often hard to manage

It's not always love. More often, it's co-dependency. But not knowing yr friend, I can't venture any guesses.

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

oh, co-dependency is there, too....absolutely.

[cosmic-reverie.livejournal.com]

I can't know what's going on with your friend and his wife. But I can know from recent realizations on my mental health that I believe I'm the best most supportive most loving wife and best friend to my husband — except I'm not always. Apparently, when I'm manic, I say mean things I don't remember saying and are very out of character for me. But since we're only learning about this manic episode distinction recently, my husband thought for years that WAS my character, that I was just occasionally really bitchy to him. And I have no memory of these moments and, until recently, I had no awareness that I'm not the most kindest joyful wife to him all the time.

To make matters worse, one-sided information can be inaccurate. I am not saying your friend is misrepresenting. Unfortunately, lots of people do misrepresent the truth because we're biased. What I'm working through in therapy is that my husband regularly stretches the truth or downright lies to other people about me. This is a trick he learned from his father to gain sympathy from others. Many people have very negative impressions about me because my husband has been inaccurate with the stories he tells others. It really sucks.

Your friend and his wife may be in a totally different circumstance and none of what I just said may apply. But the truth is, we can't always know what going on in other people's relationships and in their heads. I hope your friend is able to spend more time with you and get to a better place.

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

that has to be so hard about what your husband says to others! o.O i'm so glad you're working through that — seriously.

as far as the two of them go, i've seen her browbeat and talk down to him when we've all been together...if anything, i think he works super hard to present an image of her that is palatable to the world. i really do *like* her — but i've never 100% trusted her, if that makes sense. i see a LOT of myself in her (spoiled, entitled, princess, self-absorbed, very unwilling to be thwarted, etc), but the difference between us is that i have always caught myself being those things and have worked really hard to overcome them. there is little to no self-reflection on her part, ever, so she has been in this holding pattern for ages.

there are some definite mental health issues on her part, mostly related to hoarding/ocd behaviors. when k wanted to start therapy, he asked her to do it with him — and she flat out refused. when he made an appointment on his own, she cancelled it (through the health portal). o.O

and for what it's worth — and i know i don't *know* you — you are the antithesis of the type of person who would cause negative impressions. you are a joyful rainbow of faithfulness and dedication. :)

[cosmic-reverie.livejournal.com]

She canceled his appointment? wtf? Why would she do that? Therapy is a good thing for all parties. I hope he is able to get help despite her.

Aww, thank you! <3

[kazzy-cee.livejournal.com]

I'm tall so I always had to ride horses at least 15 hands or more otherwise I felt like I was almost trailing my feet on the ground LOL!

I like your take on marriage. I've been married a long time and it's important that it's a partnership and a friendship *nods*

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

i had a friend who was 5'9 and would consistently get on a little welsh pony named duchess to school her, since miss duchess LOVED to be a twat. lol i used to say "unbend your legs and stand up!" and she could put her feet on the ground and tiptoe up off the saddle. it was great!

[howlin-wolf-66.livejournal.com]

Congratulations to all!

I hope the kids enjoy their day. :-)

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

sounds like it was a major good day. :)

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

Yay!!!

I call my whole herd ponies, even though only one is. :)