saturday nights are alright

[liminal_space]

~ father-in-law plays in a band and they were playing at my favorite local bar, so we all went over for a few hours to listen. while there, we played darts and i had such a good time! kid was realllllly hit and miss on her throws, so we advised her to NOT throw when people were nearby. =D

~ i am finding that people who spend much of their time looking in the past to dredge up grist for their miseries of today are irritants to my well-being if i'm around them too long. i truly believe that we all can find "causes" for our perceived problems if we scratch around in our past — but the reality is that you can't change what happened, you can just change the you of the now. the shit we cling to does ZERO for us except hold us back; releasing it does the total opposite of ZERO for us and allows us to keep moving up that mountain. 

for me, the WHY behind why i stress eat, WHY i'm prickly and difficult to get close to, WHY i'm sometimes distrustful of kindness toward me, WHY i'm flighty AF, etc and so on, don't really matter beyond having a foundation for understanding. after getting that, i don't need to regurgitate it over and over...i don't need to keep using those things as excuses. 

so how are these people irritants to my well-being? because there is a very thin and carefully maintained barrier between me and the downward spiraling path that leads to my own fucked up and very messy past and it's still tempting to walk down it. and if other people are walking that dark walk? i get fomo. 

in the last sixteen months, i've really worked to protect my peace and am in a place where that peace is finally finally finally my default. there is no desire to be sucked into any discontent, so i'm trying to surround myself with light and positivity. sometimes it's a struggle, sometimes not so much. 

~ tomorrow i am starting a 30-day fitness and nutrition challenge to help me get out of my rut and get to my goal sooner rather than later. it's all on the cheap, since right now in my amazon cart there is $250+ of needed horse stuff....and $75 of fly sheets that need to be added as soon as i measure the ponies. *sigh* and those are the CHEAP fly sheets that will last one season if we're lucky. i just can't do two high quality ones right now without seeing what the heifers will do when i get them on. 

~ fancy trainer came out today to give kid a lesson on misty. she said some AMAZING things about both of them and offered kid the chance to do some training on a grand prix winning horse. o.O i'm so happy for the kid....she's a good little rider and to hear that from a trainer like the one that came out builds her confidence. we've decided to not get me any fancy lessons — my skill level is not worth it at the moment. do i give a shit? nope. do i have fun on my horse? yep. do i ride around in circles all the damn time? nope nope nope. IYKYK 

~ in other news, the weeds are winning in my garden, i have tons more to plant and not enough space to do it, but seeing all that STUFF growing brings me warm fuzzies. i really am surprised how my california girl self has adapted to minnesconsin. gidget really does go midwestern. ;) 

Comments

[kazzy-cee.livejournal.com]

Last year I slowly moved away from a friend who just kept on digging at the past and it was too depressing. I'd known her a long time, but I just couldn't take it any more, so I quietly stopped answering text messages and making time for her. I don't miss the negativity! You have to protect yourself and sometimes that's the only way to do it.

Great news about the riding talent!

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

Good for you for choosing the path of peace! :) Did she ever confront you?

[kazzy-cee.livejournal.com]

She was really odd and ignored my last few texts to her which was the final straw for me so that’s when I decided not to engage any more. Every now and again I get a text message about something she’s already told me about which I just ignore …

[howlin-wolf-66.livejournal.com]

Good luck with the fitness challenge! :-) *hugs*

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

thank you!

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Fitness challenge! You are an inspiration.

I think about the past a lot—but I always think of it as narrative (if that makes any sense at all), a story that happened to a someone that was & is me, and has some consequences that I can't deny but many ripples that I can simply swim away from. I dislike people who wallow in past trauma. There! I said it. 😀

Are you really "prickly and difficult to get close to"? I wouldn't have guessed that from yr LJ. And also, I guess, because you used to be a teacher & teachers (like nurses—& I used to be a nurse) are known for their empathatic natures.

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

Girl, my body betrayed me. Yesterday was my supposed start date, but after moving furniture, riding, wrenching my back on a stuck door....I woke up with some serious nonsense happening with a muscle in my lower back that forced me to rest and ice the area all day. I guess I scared myself or something. lol

There is a HUGE difference in the way you share the past and integrate it seamlessly into your narrative (and it makes all the sense!) and what I'm referring to. H U G E. Astronomical. Add another word here to indicate a vast distance. =D It's part of the reason why I'm sure that WHEN you finish and publish your opus, it will be exceptionally well received.

I am really prickly and difficult to get close to! Part of it has to do with MY past traumas, but the other part is how it sometimes feels like people want to wear my skin the closer they get. I know that makes no sense at all — and not only that, it sounds sooooo narcissistic, which is just ICK. But it has often seemed like friendships — especially with women — have turned into me feeling like I was living scenes from "Single White Female."

Since you were a nurse, I know you have felt empathetic overload. School was actually a great place, because for the most part, the explosion of emotion was fun and squirrelly and goofy and frenetic. It was so lovely at times but oh-so exhausting. I bet nursing didn't have as much of that feeling — which is just one reason why nurses are rockstars.

[elainegrey.livejournal.com]

Another thing for the cart — i've been really happy with my weed burner. It's perhaps too scary to use during droughty weather, but if it's wet, it's a joy to use!

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

i just watched a video of this contraption and OMG. NEED! lol

[elainegrey.livejournal.com]

That was my response after watching a video!

[kensmind.livejournal.com]

You've had such amazing success so far on your self-improvement journey. You inspire the rest of us. Please keep on keeping on (and when in doubt, let Bobby McFerrin invade your head.....here's a little song I wrote, you might want to learn it note for note---"

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

You make me feel warm and fuzzy. ;) You are such a good fella. <3

...don't worry, be happy.

[namastaybaybay.livejournal.com]

Lately, I find myself walking away from drama. The other day one of the investigators was talking about drama in the city and I just walked away. I went to the rummage sale and looked at what the people were selling in the community room. I sometimes do talk about the past in ways that someone who may struggle with what I did in the past might see they can improve. There is no way I want to go back to 2008 me or even 2023 me...

[liminal-space.livejournal.com]

walking away from drama is good. i guess living in the past to be an inspiration is one way to legitimize it. :)

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

Very cool about Fancy Trainer and kid. And I'm glad you have fun. <3