saturday nights are alright

[liminal_space]

~ father-in-law plays in a band and they were playing at my favorite local bar, so we all went over for a few hours to listen. while there, we played darts and i had such a good time! kid was realllllly hit and miss on her throws, so we advised her to NOT throw when people were nearby. =D

~ i am finding that people who spend much of their time looking in the past to dredge up grist for their miseries of today are irritants to my well-being if i'm around them too long. i truly believe that we all can find "causes" for our perceived problems if we scratch around in our past — but the reality is that you can't change what happened, you can just change the you of the now. the shit we cling to does ZERO for us except hold us back; releasing it does the total opposite of ZERO for us and allows us to keep moving up that mountain. 

for me, the WHY behind why i stress eat, WHY i'm prickly and difficult to get close to, WHY i'm sometimes distrustful of kindness toward me, WHY i'm flighty AF, etc and so on, don't really matter beyond having a foundation for understanding. after getting that, i don't need to regurgitate it over and over...i don't need to keep using those things as excuses. 

so how are these people irritants to my well-being? because there is a very thin and carefully maintained barrier between me and the downward spiraling path that leads to my own fucked up and very messy past and it's still tempting to walk down it. and if other people are walking that dark walk? i get fomo. 

in the last sixteen months, i've really worked to protect my peace and am in a place where that peace is finally finally finally my default. there is no desire to be sucked into any discontent, so i'm trying to surround myself with light and positivity. sometimes it's a struggle, sometimes not so much. 

~ tomorrow i am starting a 30-day fitness and nutrition challenge to help me get out of my rut and get to my goal sooner rather than later. it's all on the cheap, since right now in my amazon cart there is $250+ of needed horse stuff....and $75 of fly sheets that need to be added as soon as i measure the ponies. *sigh* and those are the CHEAP fly sheets that will last one season if we're lucky. i just can't do two high quality ones right now without seeing what the heifers will do when i get them on. 

~ fancy trainer came out today to give kid a lesson on misty. she said some AMAZING things about both of them and offered kid the chance to do some training on a grand prix winning horse. o.O i'm so happy for the kid....she's a good little rider and to hear that from a trainer like the one that came out builds her confidence. we've decided to not get me any fancy lessons — my skill level is not worth it at the moment. do i give a shit? nope. do i have fun on my horse? yep. do i ride around in circles all the damn time? nope nope nope. IYKYK 

~ in other news, the weeds are winning in my garden, i have tons more to plant and not enough space to do it, but seeing all that STUFF growing brings me warm fuzzies. i really am surprised how my california girl self has adapted to minnesconsin. gidget really does go midwestern. ;) 

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[kazzy-cee.livejournal.com]

She was really odd and ignored my last few texts to her which was the final straw for me so that’s when I decided not to engage any more. Every now and again I get a text message about something she’s already told me about which I just ignore …